Inquiry-Based Stress Reduction is an approach developed by a woman named Byron Katie to free herself from suffering. and has proven effective at helping others do the same. It’s obviously not the only way to free oneself from suffering, just a way that works extremely well for certain kinds of minds. You’ll know what’s right for yours.
The approach involves the inner-wisdom-led, open-minded, rigorously honest questioning of a thought in search of the truth, a truth that is only knowable by the person doing the questioning (and which is always kinder than any stressful thought).
Because no one can ever know what is true for another person, Inquiry-Based Stress Reduction is a self-administered framework (though a guide can often be helpful in keeping one focused).
To begin, I identify a stressful thought: “My mother should have paid more attention to me.” “My boss shouldn’t have taken credit for my work.” “The music is too loud.” “They are not helping me.” “So-and-so is in danger.” Any stressful thought will do.
In my imagination, I situate myself in the exact moment in time the thought occurred to me.
While quietly reflecting on that moment in time, I sit in the following questions, allowing the truth to emerge from my own wisdom. I am slow with this and open to all possibilities, simply waiting to be shown the truth without imposing it.
The first question is:
1. Is it true?
If an honest “no” arises, I can skip to question 3. If an honest “yes” arises, question two goes a little deeper, just to check:
2. Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
Again: “yes” or “no.”
Either answer is acceptable, as long as I’ve given it the space to rise from within rather than from some predetermined conviction.
Once I’ve explored the truth of the thought, it’s time to examine the effects of believing that thought on my life and relationships.
Question three asks:
3. How do I react - what happens to my body, my face, my verbal responses, my treatment of myself and others - when I believe the thought?
I list all the reactions I can think of.
I take a moment to sit in the recognition and feel it.
Then question four imagines a world where the stressful thought could never have arisen:
4. Who would I be in that moment if I couldn’t have that thought, if it was just impossible for it to occur to me?
I just describe myself: “I would be a person just enjoying a bowl of Cheez-Puffs and a game of Jeopardy in peace” “I would be a guy watching a swim meet with his friends around him.” “I’d be a calm, centered husband who’s interested in his wife’s opinion.”
I sit in the recognition and feel it.
Questions three and four show me that my suffering comes not from what has happened, but from what I am thinking and believing about what has happened.
When I’ve identified the thought, examined its truth or falsity and thoroughly contemplated its effect on my reactions and identity, I’m ready to examine if the opposite of the stressful thought may be just as true - or truer - than the original thought.
So I look for opposites to the original thought (Byron Katie calls them “turnarounds”). When I’ve identified an opposite, I think of at least three examples supporting this opposite reading of the situation. Maybe it’ll ring true and maybe it won’t.
Again: this is quiet meditation, an honest and open-minded search for the truth. The trick, again, is to be still and let my wisdom show me.
“They are not helping me” turned around becomes…
“I am not helping me.”
I sit in it. In what ways am I not helping me in that situation? I think of examples. How does it feel? Could this be as true or truer than the original stressful thought?
“I am not helping them.”
“They are helping me.”
“They are not hurting me.”
When I inquire openly and honestly into my stressful thoughts, I loosen the death-grip they have on my life and I find that my pain and suffering begin to lift. After a while, what’s left is joy, gratitude, peace, relief, freedom, laughter…