People in the throes of hate are hating because they think they need to hate. They think they won’t be okay without it.
I know how it feels to believe I won’t be okay if I don’t hold onto something - like the side of a pool before I knew how to swim.
So if I want to reach someone in the grips of hate, I can orient myself to their need to be okay and approach them lovingly, the way I would a terrified child holding on for dear life to the side of a pool - not to threaten or shame or patronize or blackmail them, but just to be with them in love - a safe distance from their thrashing - until they finally recognize it’s okay to let go because they’re safe in my arms.