I’ve heard it suggested that we take the idea of tolerance too far when we tolerate intolerance. Intolerance is wrong, they say, and should be rejected. But in their criticism, I think they’re confusing the idea of tolerance with endorsement. If that’s the case, I agree with them: we cannot endorse intolerance.
But…
“Tolerance is not endorsement.
”
“Tolerance is meeting what is, with love instead of hate.”
If I want to eradicate intolerance, I must, by this definition, tolerate it, meaning I must meet intolerance with love instead of hate. Otherwise, I’m engaging in intolerance and therefore endorsing and perpetuating it.
It seems to me that if I want to remove intolerance from the world, I cannot do it by adding intolerance. The only way I can see to remove intolerance is to meet intolerance with love (which doesn’t mean I like, prefer or seek to sustain it - it simply means I recognize the person being intolerant as unsurpassably worthy of my love and then allow my actions to freely express that recognition).
There are lawn/window signs around town that read “Hate has no home here.” It’s obviously a sign meant to announce tolerance. And while I fully appreciate, and wholeheartedly share in, its mission of showing members of marginalized groups that they have an unwavering protector in their community, I think the exact phrasing misses the golden opportunity at the heart of tolerance: the power of tolerance to grow in the hearts of those who receive it.
“Home” is where we are sheltered, where we are cared for and nurtured. And in a loving home, it is also where we are challenged, where we are raised, where we are exposed to new and different ideas, where we learn to get along, to disagree, to compromise. Where we make mistakes and are granted second and third chances to grow. Where we come to know that, despite all the ways we fall short, we are still loved.
Am I more likely to reach someone in the grip of hate by denying them a “home?”
How can denying someone a home do anything but give them more justification for their fear and sense of separation?
Instead of pushing away, what if I were to draw the fearful around me into a safe and supportive relationship where we can wrestle with the stress and struggle of fear and hate together?
“But what if I fail? How can I be sure I’ll succeed?” It’s not up to me. It’s only up to me to make the attempt - to do my part in love, the best I can.
Sometimes I will fail to even try. That’s just being human. And in those human moments when I fail to choose tolerance, I hope someone has the wherewithal to draw me into relationship instead of denying me a home.
Because if I want peace in my life, I will not get it by making war. I can only find it by loving what is. Which means the only way to peace (and any positive result that flows naturally from peace) is to meet the anger, the criticism, the judgment, the injustice, the hate...all the things I wish to undo in the world and in myself...with love.