If I see myself as someone who “must” or “can’t” or “doesn’t deserve” or “isn’t” and any of those things are painful, I am mistaken about how I see myself. I discover that I’m wearing an identity that doesn’t fit. And just like a shoe that doesn’t fit, I can take it off and feel no guilt, and never feel like I have to apologize for it at all. Someone else may like me in that shoe (is it true?), but it can’t be my shoe because it doesn’t fit. I can care for myself by taking it off.
““I cannot be true to you until I’m true to myself.””
What we all have in common is a true nature that is eternal loving peace.
All I have to do to understand this is drop my story and notice what’s left:
Peace. Openness. Freedom. Love.
And that’s always what I am until I believe a thought that argues with what I truly am. I will never win that argument. Reality is immovable.
Which means anytime I believe a thought that argues with my true nature, I’m pushing against something immovable. So it hurts. That’s what suffering is. That’s where ALL suffering comes from.
If I hold an identity like…
“I’m the one who no one sees.”
“I’m the one everyone’s looking to.”
“I’m the one who can’t help anyone.”
“I’m the only one who can help.”
“I’m the one no one wants to hear from.”
“I’m the one everyone is listening to.”
“I’m the one who always annoys people.”
“I’m the one who is everyone’s favorite.”
“I’m the one who can’t endure rejection.”
“I’m the one who never gets hurt.”
“I’m the one who always gets things wrong.”
“I’m the one who always has to get things right.”
…and that identity is stressful, it means it runs counter to my true nature.
It’s a false identity. It doesn’t fit.
So I can take it off.