I find I’ve never believed in a consistent, unchanging “me.” My experience of myself is that there’s no one there that I can put my finger on. That every “me” is pretending. I can’t conceive of a “me” that’s not an act - which is not a bad thing. It’s just what is. There’s no “me” that I don’t “put on” for show. And in the end, the show is just to show “me.”
So where does that leave things? How do I present myself to the world “as I am” when “I” don’t actually exist?
Do I present myself to the world as someone who doesn’t exist?
Now that’s interesting...
What would someone who doesn’t exist do in this situation?
What would someone who doesn’t exist say?
What would someone who doesn’t exist be able to fix?
What would someone who doesn’t exist need to defend?
Who would someone who doesn’t exist not be able to sit with?
What would someone who doesn’t exist have reason to hate?
What would someone who doesn’t exist have to protect themselves from?
What would someone who doesn’t exist have to go to war against?
What would someone who doesn’t exist be afraid of?
What gift would someone who doesn’t exist not be able to accept?
What gift would someone who doesn’t exist ever need to withhold?
If I don’t exist, nothing I appear to do is being done by me. Nothing that happens is happening to me. Nothing I give comes from me. Nothing that comes back to me is mine.
If I don’t exist, all that’s left is a flowing peace and patience and kindness and love.
When I try to prove my existence to myself, it always falls apart. I can’t find a true separate “me.” What does that say about who I am?
I think it means I am a person who doesn’t exist.
Maybe I just live as that, then.