When I’m confused and angry about someone’s hurtful behavior, I can find myself thinking, “Don’t let them off the hook!”
But what is “the hook?”
Is it the person believing they are bad? A story of failure? A sense that they are responsible for the experiences of others? A belief that they are hopelessly out of sync with what is right and good?
Do they improve when I impose such stressful stories on them? When I hang them on those hooks and leave them there? Does my world improve when I leave people lost?
Do I feel more like myself when I am at war with a fellow human being and demanding retribution?
A person on “the hook” cannot improve. They can’t move around. They can’t discover a new perspective or be impacted by a new experience.
“The hook” keeps everyone where I don’t want them to be.
If I want to live in a loving world where people behave peacefully, I’ll want to let everyone who fails to do so off the hook.
Does that mean liking, preferring or seeking to sustain what they’ve done? Does that mean ignoring or reinforcing terrible behavior?
No.
It means leaving people intact both emotionally and within our relationship, giving them the best chance to be open and able to hear me, able to see themselves, and free and able to grow into the version of themselves that aligns most closely with their peaceful and kind true nature - which is all I’m really looking for in the end.