I recognize that I sometimes get very attached to the idea of being understood.
In the times it feels most urgent, I behave like it’s an emergency (which it’s not) and I go to war with disconnection - which makes connecting harder.
It’s really simple: if I value understanding, it’s my job to BE understanding. If I really want connection, it’s my job to BE connecting.
Where I really want to get to is to be able to be totally allied with someone in my mind, have them mistakenly think I’m their mortal enemy, and be completely fine with that. To just sit very comfortably in it, with no desire to take that away from them and at the same time have no change in my ability to be completely on their side and to think and act as their ally.
Then I’ll be the one understanding everything that needs to be understood.