I cannot RECEIVE connection. I can only CREATE it. Trying to get someone to connect with me, hoping for connection from someone else? Fool’s errand.
Connection back to me is not the other person’s responsibility. It is entirely within my control. It’s as easy as getting my reflection back from a mirror. All I have to do is put my OWN FACE in front of it. Both I and the reflection are ME.
Same with connection.
Trying to get someone to connect with me is like trying to get a mirror to show me a reflection of itself.
Impossible.
Connection happens when two parties see, accept and value each other as they are while making space for the other and stepping into the space left for them by the other.
I used to think I could only do my side of the equation and the other side was up to the other party. But now I see it’s NOT up to the other party. In fact the other party has nothing to do with it. They can’t do a damn thing about it!
It’s up to ME.
The whole thing happens from my side of the equation (and the whole thing happens for them from their side - but that’s none of my business).
I achieve connection when I both do these things AND when I perceive them coming from the other. If I think there is a connection, I am the one connecting. If I think there is a disconnection, I am the one disconnecting. I am the one telling a story of disconnection.
so…
Connection happens when I see, accept and value someone as they are while making space for them and stepping into the space left for me by them…
and…
when I believe they see, accept and value me as I am while making space for me and stepping into the space left for them by me.
Or, more concisely: Connection occurs when one person BELIEVES they and another party see, accept and value each other as they are, while leaving space for each other and stepping into the space left for them by the other.
There is no other way to be connected. There’s no other way to know I am connected except by what I’m thinking and believing.
So I can choose to be fully connected with anyone I want. All I have to do is question any thought that argues with the belief that I am connected.
Remember: I cannot receive connection. I am responsible for both sides:
Seeing accepting and valuing others as they are, leaving space and stepping in
AS WELL AS...
FEELING seen, accepted, and valued as I am, and that others are leaving space for me and stepping in.
So my issue with social media is clear now: I’ve been trying to figure out how to get others to connect with me when I’M the one who connects with me. It’s not possible to get it from someone else without telling myself that it’s so.
I’m here to do what I can, not what I can’t or what’s unnecessary.
So NOW:
If I want to pursue connection in my life, I will have to supply both parts from within. So that guides the work. That tells me what kinds of things will work. Nothing will make me feel connected with anyone if I am not connected with myself. If sharing something or doing something doesn’t make me feel seen, accepted and valued from within. If I don’t believe that there is no way people aren’t connecting with me through it (whether or not they know it), it’s doomed. But if I can arrive at the realization that it is impossible NOT to be connected with me, then I will be free (of course, I’m free now and have always been, but I’m caught in a bad dream about disconnection).
I remember how it felt that Sunday morning when my wife was stuck in a bad dream called “late for church” and asked me how I can live with myself? And the only thing that could come up in my heart was laughter and the thought, “I LOVE myself!” That’s it. Right there. I was never disconnected from her even for a second. We were fine the whole time, even though she didn’t know it until a little later when she apologized. And the result was pure joy. And we were even on time for church, which is neither here nor there.